When Your Relationship Has Little or No Sex
You love each other. You may still laugh together, share a life, and genuinely enjoy one another. But somewhere along the way, sex became less frequent—or disappeared altogether.
Maybe one of you wants sex and the other avoids it. Maybe neither of you initiates anymore. Maybe you’ve stopped talking about it because every conversation ends in hurt feelings, pressure, defensiveness, or another promise that things will somehow change.
When sex becomes part of a stuck cycle dynamic
For many couples, the problem eventually becomes bigger than how often you’re having sex.
One partner may reach for sex as a way to feel wanted, loved, or connected. The other may experience those attempts as pressure and start pulling away.
The more one person reaches, the more the other retreats.
Soon, both partners feel rejected. One might think: You don’t want me. The other might think: Nothing I give you is enough.
That cycle can make sex feel increasingly loaded—even when both people desperately want to feel close again.
Sex therapy isn’t about making you have more sex
The goal isn’t to create a quota or decide which partner has the “correct” level of desire. Instead, we get curious about what happened.
We may explore desire, initiation, rejection, pressure, resentment, parenting, stress, body changes, sexual pain, erectile difficulties, relationship injuries, and the ways each of you has learned to protect yourself.
Then we work toward creating a sexual relationship that feels more mutual, honest, playful, and connected.
There is no universal amount of sex a healthy couple should be having.
The question is whether the sexual relationship you currently have works for the two of you.
Sex therapy in Seattle
I’m Audrey, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist in Seattle. I work with couples navigating little or no sex, mismatched desire, sexual disconnection, and the painful relationship cycles that can develop around intimacy.
Sessions are available in person in Seattle and by telehealth throughout Washington.