When Sex Hurts
Sex is not supposed to be something you simply endure. Yet people experiencing sexual pain are often told to relax, use more lubricant, try again, or accept discomfort as part of sex. Over time, pain can change much more than the physical experience of intimacy.
You may start anticipating pain before anything sexual even happens. Your body may tense. You may avoid certain types of touch. Your partner may become afraid of hurting you. Initiation can disappear because neither person knows what is safe anymore.
Pain changes the relationship around sex
When something hurts repeatedly, your nervous system learns.
It makes sense that your body may become protective. At the same time, couples can develop their own emotional cycle around pain. One partner may feel guilty, broken, frustrated, or afraid of disappointing the other. The other may feel helpless, rejected, confused about how to initiate, or terrified of creating more pain.
Eventually, couples may stop touching altogether because it feels safer than risking another difficult experience.
Sex therapy can help rebuild safety & pleasure
Sex therapy does not replace appropriate medical care. Depending on what you are experiencing, working with an OB/GYN, pelvic-floor physical therapist, vulvar specialist, urologist, or another medical provider may be important.
Therapy focuses on the emotional, relational, and sexual pieces that exist alongside physical symptoms.
We may work on reducing pressure, expanding your definition of sex, rebuilding pleasurable touch, communicating during intimacy, understanding fear and avoidance, and creating ways to connect that do not require pushing through pain.
The goal is to help intimacy become something your body and relationship can experience with more choice, safety, and pleasure.
I’m an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist offering sex therapy in Seattle and throughout Washington.